Dear Keenan:

I know you like food boy. Anyone who has ever seen you eat knows you could take down an all you can eat buffet all by yourself. No amount is ever enough and you will scream for more and more and more, often squealing with delight each time food is set down. Before too long I we will be poverty stricken because you eat us right out of house and home. Sister does not like it when your excitement to see her first thing in the morning is due to the fact she will be eating breakfast. We know you are waiting for your "second breakfast" as you pull yourself up to her chair begging for scraps.

However there are some things that are just not food items and do not belong in your mouth. PLEASE stop going into the bathroom and getting wads of toilet paper, trailing them around the house like a dog, and eating chunks off. (note to self: lecture sister for the millionth time to close bathroom door after using it). When Mommy is carrying you please stop throwing yourself down on a slant to shove the nasty plastic bag handle in your mouth with your dog jaw grip. NOT FOOD ITEMS. Stop pulling your socks off and putting them in your mouth. Wet socks are gross and freak Mommy out. Lastly shoes of any sort are NOT delicacy's. They are not for licking, chewing, or chomping. Do you know where they have been? DISGUSTING.

I know you are a hungry, growing boy and I promise to feed you until you explode. If only you would just stop putting nasty crap in your mouth. Thanks.

Love, Mommy